Do Men Marry Their Mothers? Do Women Wed Their Fathers?
Printable PDF Marriage & Attachment Theory
“And Yitzchak brought [Rivka] to the tent of Sarah his
Mother; he drew Rivka in, and she was his wife. He loved her and [he] was comforted after his mother.” (Genesis 24:67)
“He was comforted because she was similar to his
mother in her actions.” (Chizkuni)
As much as people criticize psychologists for claiming that we marry people who resemble our opposite gender parent, the truth is that these people from our past factor in to a great extent in choosing a partner in marriage-or other relationships for that matter. It is certainly not 100% of the reason that we fall in love with our spouse-I don’t believe that men marry their mothers and women wed their fathers. Nonetheless, it is 
ever-present. The people we spend time with in our youth set a template for who we feel comfortable with when we are older and who we prefer to marry.
The sentence above is one of the Torah’s passages that mentions what psychologists call Attachment Theory. This theory suggests that the relationships we have in our youth impact the ones we have in the future.
A major work that we must do is to see how these early relationships impacted us and how that impact is ever-present today. If we had some rocky relationships, we may have some rocky relationships now or feel awkward around certain people. We must also remember that if we can provide the youth in our community
with healthy relationships, they will choose healthier relationships when they are older.
Yitzchak felt comfortable with Rivka because she had similar mannerisms, and, our sages say, similar religious dedications and a similar impact on her environment.
[For more insight into dating, marriage, and relationships, order The Seven Ways here]
–IB
