Stop Beating Yourself Up & Go Easy on the Garlic!

Stopping Self-Defeating Behavior

Printable PDF-Slow Growth Yom Kippur

Do you think more people engage in incorrect behavior because they tell themselves it’s ok to do so or because of perfectionism?

The majority of people I’ve been seeing as a rabbi/coach/therapist or bumping into around town seem to do so because they feel the need to act in a way that is beyond realistic expectations of themselves or because they beat themselves up over mistakes.

“Don’t be excessively bad” [1]. “Don’t be excessively bad, but you can be a little bad? Rather, if you ate garlic and have wafting stinky breath, would you go and eat more garlic?”[2].

If you did something wrong, should you go and engage in more incorrect behavior? That’s silly…but we do it all the time and need to be aware of it.

Self-defeating/perfectionist behaviors:

–Beating ourselves up after we did something wrong

–Expecting too much of ourselves

–Not avoiding, in the future, what triggered the behavior

If you had stinky garlic breath, would you eat more of the pungent bulb? No. So pick a different path, even if the change is subtle, and go easy on yourself. If you change the course of a ship by only a few degrees, the end destination of the new voyage is vastly different.

During this season of growth, pick one thing to work on first and feel comfortable knowing that the healthiest way to change is slowly and realistically. Did your synagogue or group of friends dramatically change since last year? Probably not-it was most likely subtle and a large amount over time. Healthy growth is slow and steady. Take it easy and be good to yourself- slow and steady wins the race.

 

[To purchase The Seven Ways and better understand how to maximize your performance or grow more steadily & realistically click here]

–IB

  [1] Ecc. [2] Shabbat 31b.